Medicals are not generally hilarious. But I just had a genuinely comedic medical.

Medicals are an important requisite of commercial shipping. They let your captain know that you are healthy and are an insurance of sorts. The standard sailor medical is called the ENG1. We always planned to get one right before we started proper jobs but our evacuation from France meant we missed out on getting them. You can not get an ENG1 in Italy.

You can however get an ENG1 equivalent so tonight I went to get one. My trip to the doctors was pleasurable. I did have to ask for directions and a lovely old man pointed me in the right direction and patted me on the back.

The doctor was running late. He eventually turned up and ushered me into his room. I made the mistake of saying Bona Cera(Good evening). This marked me as being fluent in Italian so after a lengthy spiel and subsequent readjusting of communication mediums we sat down to fill out my medical.

I write fill out because that is exactly what my medical was. Let me transcribe the conversation. The doctors words are in Italics.



[fills out my details]


1.86 meters


82 kilograms

Blood pressure?

Sorry I do not know my blood pressure.

[Doctor makes like a Doctor and takes my blood pressure]

Do you wear glasses?

Yes I do. Here they are.

What is the colour of my pen?


What is the colour of my sellotape holder?


Sign this

And that was my Italian medical.

Incredible? Incredulous? Inconceivable?

Just another day in Italy.

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