Me = Hard working lumberjack
Linda the Swedish First Mate = Princess Goldilocks
Captain Olivier = Prince Charming
Gaynor the Stewardess = Fair Maiden
Owen the Saffa = The Villain
The three Italian divers = The dwarvish miners
Once upon a time a hard working lumberjack was telling tall tales to a fair maiden after work. An evil villain interrupted the conversation and asked the lumberjack why he was not wearing a wedding ring. The lumberjack replied “I swing axes all day and my ring would get damaged if I wore it in the forest”.
The very next day the lumberjack made a point of wearing his wedding ring to spite the horrible villain. After work the lumberjack sat outside with a fair maiden and Princess Goldilocks. The fair maiden commented on the lumberjacks sparkling ring and Princess Goldilocks who was engaged to Prince Charming removed her ring to inspect it and it fell down a hole.
Princess Goldilocks was nearly moved to tears. The hole was very dark and murky and no one dared enter it at night time. Prince Charming did not think the ring would ever be found again. All the gang could do was go off to a conveniently timed beach party. The wise lumberjack said “Don’t worry Princess Goldilocks something good will come of this”.
The next morning three dwarvish miners turned up to recover the ring. Princess Goldilocks had a piece of string with a weight hanging down the hole in the exact spot where she dropped the ring. The first miner went down and after a while came back up the hole with no ring. He asked Princess Goldilocks to pull up her weight. The string came up slowly and then attached to the weight was the engagement ring which was thought to be lost.
Everybody celebrated and they all lived happily ever after! Except for the villain.
Authors note, If that makes no sense please excuse me I am being self indulgent for others.
Linda did lose her engagement ring into 5 meters of very murky water. Three Italian divers turned up the next morning and retrieved it for her with some typical Italian flair. I made the mistake of listening to a South African.