So I am on night watch for the first week of a two week charter. This time I am prepared. I have enough supplements to keep an elephant in tip top order. I have enough protein and legumes to get across the Atlantic and back. I have sleeping aids, fresh music and am in superb physical condition. Basically I am sorted. Bring it.

The first night goes a bit wonky. What is going on? At the end if my shift I start to discuss a theory of mine that time travels faster when it is warmer in the crew mess. I very stupidly assign the theory of relativity to Isaac Newton. My brain is suffering. Why?

I find out that our chef, bless him has substituted all of our instant coffee for decaf. The timing of this could not be worse. I rage, storm to bed cursing decaf coffee and it’s inventor. Not in Einstein’s league that fellow.

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