Every year my wife and I lumber through the month of Sun in Scorpio. We start off bright eyed and with shiny tails but by the end of it we are sad broken beasts lumbering to put our shoes on, bemoaning sunlight and finding it hard to chew food.

Of course our ailments are largely self inflicted but this preemptive partying leaves us out of sorts well before the silly season. We barely got through this year and neither of us was working full time. So whilst the pain is still fresh in our minds I would like to pen some reminders for both my wife and I and any one else who finds this time of the year hard.

-Drink and pretend to drink spirits. It is very hard to simulate beer and wine drinking
-Take cat naps(tell the party you are finding them boring if need be)
-Find jobs for yourself to do which involve both of your hands and not drinking
-Do not listen to Katie Cullum at all costs
-Decide the next weekends social engagements on a Monday or Tuesday night
-Be very wary of befriending Scorpios they can be hazardous for your health

Now can someone remind me to read this next October?