If I had any readers that I really needed to stop reading my blog, I hope that headline is enough. But of course all of my readership are enlightened souls with open minds that will enjoy this topical tangent.

My love affair with soft toys was rekindled at a BBQ of all things. Like most love affairs that form at BBQ’s it has been long running and made of the stuff worth writing about. It was the summer of 2001-2002 and one of the guests turned up with a well loved but slightly worse for wear cow. He proceeded to walk around with the cow all night, tell stories of how it had lost various appendages and its name which escapes me.This struck me as a charming way to make conversation and the sort of thing I should have been doing years ago. Luckily the person who did this is the smartest person I know so I am not too affronted.

Every person on this planet should have at least one soft toy companion. Preferably two. This would benefit the human race in a multitude of ways:

  1. The ever decreasing nuclear family.Did you know that in 1950 the average person had 8 people they could confide in and talk to for support? This number has shrunk drastically to 2 or 3 and it is criminal.(My statistics are a bit wonky with out the internet but all statistics are inherently wonky.) If you have a soft toy you can at least talk to it. That the soft toy does not talk back is not a problem. It looks less crazy than muttering to yourself. Trust me on this one.
  2. Soft toys are incredibly resilient. They require no food or water, just shelter. They will not complain if it is cold, and if they are not listening to your standards you can throw them around the room. After throwing them around the room and collecting excess dust and grime you can pop them in your washing machine. Try doing that with your best mate that you only talk to you when you have relationship problems!
  3. Soft toys are useful psychological profiling tools. You can garner a lot from some ones reaction by taking a soft toy to a sporting event or a dinner party.
  4. Soft toys are a dynamic, organically synthetic way to add colour and texture to any space. They will start conversations when there are none. They can be thrown at conversations when they need to stop.

I could go on for days but I think you can see my point. Perhaps it is best if you go and get a soft toy now. You can discuss its importance at length with it. I must go now as my cow is hungry and needs to have some breakfast.

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