In a year where I have driven a Lamborghini, eaten lobster twice and snacked on caviar it seemed fitting that I spent my Christmas period with the elite of America in Saint Barths. Let me gloss over the fact that I was working, that’s better.

Do you want to know the definition of snob? Seeing some facebook status updates about people being in LA and wanting to post “good time to be in LA everyone important is down here in Saint Barths with me”

What have I learned in my menial capacity down here?


Saint Barth’s is the Caribbean version of Saint Tropez. For some reason really wealthy people on holiday like to be in warm places where people speak French. It makes them feel cultured or something. I have never got this feeling but I am not stupidly wealthy or stupid for that matter. The French are laughing all of the way to the bank. An American newspaper costs about $15 US in Saint Barths. 

Saint Barths is far better than Saint Tropez in my opinion. The beaches are a lot nicer and WAFIS can still rock up in a dilapidated sailboat amongst the billions and pull fingers at the glitterati. Try doing that in Saint Tropez.

Speaking of billions our Chef counted 95 Super Yachts here last night for New Years. That is some serious money. I have clandestinely taken photos of said yachts on micro breaks.

I got to swim in an amazing beach on our second day here. We swam supplies ashore for our charter and in a pinch I make a very convincing Labrador. The beach was full of silicon and impressive sun tans.

It is here I must moan about American television at Christmas time.  It is sickeningly sentimental. Every network has documentaries of terminally ill children literally dying trying to play American sports. All pushing the virtues of sport as a way to cure cancer sponsored by some cancer causing soft drink.

My Christmas day here was very tame. I received no presents. I did eat some turkey and there was a dire shortage of tropical mistletoe. New Years eve was in the same vein. I did get to have a couple of drinks on the bow watching fireworks before we were rained out.

Did I mention the famous people here? Why, I almost saw Ellen and Portia, and the red head from CSI. There were some crappy bands here. Rich people like bad music, Macey Grey and the Black Eyed Pigs(intentional typos)played private parties. I was not invited and I would not have gone if I had been.

I really should not talk about our guests but I suppose it is ok to talk about our guests, guests. Plus this is important fashion trend information on what is hot in Hollywood. We had a guest on board who was a rampant fist pumper and high fiver at the dinner table. Fist pumps and high fives are huge in 2011. Go out of your way to finish every sentence with a fist pump or two and toss in a high five every other second.


Well that’s it for now. More of the different after the break.

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