And on the Seventh day he rested….. Maybe.

Well that has to be one of the most intense weeks of my life.

I can’t remember a time when my brain ached more from crackling synapses. I arrived in France last Sunday in a pretty good state. My flight(s) went smoothly and my only angst was felt in the cavernous Dubai airport which for reasons unbeknownst has a million curiously busy toilets and a swathe of people seemingly living inside the airport.

I landed in Nice and was greeted with a grand sight. A driver carrying a name board with the clan name McConnell. Let it be known that I still am humble and to see my first driver carrying a name board made me very happy indeed.

Soon enough I was on board my newest Mega Yacht. The ship was running a drill soon after I arrived so I dodged this drill by hanging in my temporary cabin. I was at pains to explain that utilizing me in a drill after 40 hours of travelling would be very dangerous. The drill soon took out all of the lighting in my cabin. This was by design but luckily enough like all good ETO’s I had packed a head torch.

I met my rotation partner who was very friendly, very knowledgeable and very German. I soon learned that we had no Radio system and we would attempt a repair the next morning.

“Everything was going fine until we tried to fix something”

Power cycling is sometimes bad. When we power cycled the rack which supplies the brains to the radio system one of our core switches did not turn back on. The other switch lost its marbles. Neither switch had been turned off for 4 years. I won’t share more technical details but needless to say the rest of the week was spent fixing problems and trying to get a full and comphrehensive understanding over the numerous and very complicated systems.

I thought I had an endless appetite for technology but after a week of ramming my brain with passwords/address’s/names/procedures I am deeply tired. I have started to question why we need so many blackberries? Why do stewardess’s need iPads to read napkin folding books? Why do Chefs need iPads to read recipes? It goes on and on and on.

Compounding this week has been the very real and present threat of Guests who have been using the boat. Stealth has been needed for and being quiet.

I did take time to draw some diagrams which have served me well.

Today my rotation partner left. I am all alone but I do now have a batcave to call my own. We should have a few days to catch our breaths before it all begins again. I am hoping to see a Nancyless Sam who flew away today. Do you remember Sam? The quintessential English man?

Did I tell you I am tired already? zzzzz.

And so it begins again. One more journey to France. Another boat to learn. A Mediterranean summer and all of the grind and trimmings. Its been a couple of years since I was in France. I expect things are much the same. France is infinitely more attractive when you have employment. It is also a great place to catch up with Yachties. Sam and Nancy my friends from Barcelona are there until the end of the month so I shall do my best to catch up with them. It has been a while……..

Expect a few updates as I wring a bit more inspiration out of Côte d’Azur. Hopefully I will not need to resort to drink. Much.
And so ends one of the more trying, ridiculous periods of my life. My foray into Holland ended awkwardly with me flying home after 6 days. I thought things were going well but I was given flights home with no reasoning. To say I was furious is an understatement. Two months of wasted time, countless emails. Five interviews and at every stage I was told things were progressing well.

I still don’t have a reason but after countless hours of musing.

“I was not posh enough”

Needless to say my brain toiled on the 30 hour flight home coming up with wise and pointed things to unleash from my fingers at the vessel. I would sink it with vicious verse. To this very morning I was still going to write this angry email but I lost motivation when I got offered another much more suitable position.

Yacht recruitment is a strange and curious beast. A lot of the good jobs are never advertised. The crew agents spam Captains and HOD’s with hundreds of CV’s and it is very hard to get that face to face interview. After a couple of weeks of badgering crew agents I did have a bit of a brainwave…..

I have not been doing much writing and I would write my way out of this predicament. My words have always served me well but over the last year I have abandoned them. So I wrote a covering letter/story which tells my tale. I solicited some good luck from proven candidates. I then had the good fortune to find out about a position that was not advertised. 5 days later I have a job offer and will be flying to Europe next week.

There is a nice symmetry with this. It is five years ago just after easter Anna and I began our tentative steps as Sailors.

Five years at sea. 
Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it?

Disclaimer

I am not counting my chickens just yet. However I hope my next update will be a happy one from the wrong side of the planet.

So for the last 48 days I have been engaged in a long waltz of sorts. This dance has been a recruitment jig of epic proportions. The latest step sees me flying for London tonight to meet an owners representative. If this goes well I should be in Holland at the end of the week on a new boat. Given the length of time, extreme vetting and levels of secrecy that is about all I can say about that.

But let us talk about Holland or the Netherlands. I have never been. My level of knowledge is about the same as what I knew about Sweden before I started working with Swedes all those years ago. Let me list the things I know

  • Windmills
  • Bicycles
  • Tulips
  • Good shipbuilders
  • Funny shoes
And that is about it. Given that I will be in Holland for good amount of time I think I should be able to impart more than a few kernels of wisdom.
It will be nice to be back in Europe again. My life will be turned upside down by the inverse time zone change but I shall be flying there in a direct straight line. Look at the route I had to take in November to get to the Caribbean.

The red line is the route I took. Auckland>Hong Kong>Vancouver>New York>Saint Martin
As an added bonus I got to stop in Manilla as a passenger had a medical problem. 
This didn’t feel terribly right. If things don’t feel right, chances are they probably are not.
See you on the other side.
Knock knock.

It’s been a while. Some major page turning in my life underway at the moment and I will share that with you shortly. In the mean time I thought I would share an incredible insomnia cure which helps when you have more than a few thoughts on the mind.

For the past year I have been using Karl Pilkington to speak me a lullaby in his deliciously flat Manchurian accent when I can not sleep.

Who is Karl Pilkington?

Well, he was unearthed by Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant when they used to have a radio show. He quickly went from being the producer to the star of the show with his dead pan observations on the world at large and small.

You can collect the original podcasts on iTunes

Given the hilarious content it might be hard to sleep, especially if you have not had the pleasure of listening before.

For a more raw stronger dose I recommend using the original XFM episodes which can be freely found on youtube.

With the original shows you get increasing amounts of Karl which you can use to treat even the most severe case of Insomnia.

A small warning with increased use you may find yourself walking up when there is no Karl Pilkington playing. So set up a playlist and enjoy your sleep.

Just a few words I wrote for my Dad turning 70.
Welcome all to Wally’s 70th.

I am Wally’s son Daniel. Although I am not an accomplished orator like my father; I do like to tell stories it is usually to smaller groups or to myself. Most of you know Wally as Wally. I know him as Dad.

My family knows I am bad with birthdays. It was only a couple of weeks ago my mother delighted in telling my wife that I am only good with international days like Father’s Day which are publicised internationally but not so good with birthdays.

I can remember calling dad on his birthday once to have a chat and not saying happy birthday only to find out a week later from Natalie that it had been his birthday.

I must have known something last year when I took my current contract as it has meant I am home for dads 70th.

Wisely my mother told me yesterday that I would be saying a few words. If she had told me a week earlier I would have had a week longer of stress.

I have many fond memories of dad and many of his nuggets of wisdom that travel the world with me.
As a child given our location and relative isolation we were often late to functions and events. Dad would always remind us that one should always be late to a party so you do not get a job to do. If you were late getting here well done.

Dad was always very calm with us as children despite our best and worst efforts. I can only remember a couple of times where he might have entered a state of mind anything other than harmonious. This has served me well in rough seas.

Dad has always had a tremendous energy for sport and community. We are all here in his Sunday place of worship.

Dad was a champion boxer amongst other things. When I was young we would have boxing matches in the lounge. These usually took place on Sunday afternoons after golf. Being a true sportsman dad would handicap himself by fighting from his knees. Sadly our boxing matches did cease one Sunday afternoon when dad overly supplemented his handicap with performance inhibiting beer and he may have hit the ground.

Dad has an amazing memory. It is quite frightening the facts, dates and names and places that can be summoned at will. And I don’t think he realises that he could say anything he wanted and no one would question what he says so powerful his recollection is. Maybe he does ?

In closing we are very proud of our father. He is a special man and has done well to reach 70 not out.
I would now like to all raise your glasses for a toast.

To Wally.
I think I have talked about New York cool before. I may have even mentioned Italian swagger and Caribbean time. New Zealand is cool of course and Sweden whilst I am yet to experience it is bound to be cool if not the weather. But we are not in Sweden, we are in Seattle and Seattle is cool.

We have created quite a stir being here. There has been a lot of press. The press has been quite creative with facts and it makes one realize how much of what you read is fiction. When I do end up back in New Zealand on board a yacht I hope the press is not so inept and checks it’s facts. It is probably too much hard work. Just make something up. It is what I do.

Seattle is a green and leafy place with an abundance of flannel and tattoos. Heavy use of abandoned textiles and reinvigorated antiques droop from every angle. There are plenty of weird combinations of things that should not be near each other. In short it is my kind of place.

Working Monday through Sunday does sap a bit of passion for exploring but our ingenious Engineering department came up with a cunning plan which gives us a bit of flexibility. We work 7-6 during the week days. This in turn allows us a few precious hours on the weekend to seek out new life forms.

Sadly as is often the case our first real exploration was a bit disappointing. I had a hankering to shake a bit of tail feather. I ended up being cajoled into going to a very ebullient part of town for serious drinking. The part of town is Capitol Hill which is famous for its many and differing bars.

The bar scene in Seattle is quite incredible given it’s depressing liquor laws which render you unable to get a drink after 2am and unable to enter a bar if you are foreign and not carrying a passport. Being a dedicated Sailor getting loose with ones passport is not really the done thing. Especially in bars like the Unicorn.

We had been in a bar which had a wolverine on the wall.

This was not exciting enough so we jumbled up the road to a bar dedicated to unicorns and fanciful creatures. Imagine walking around in a fairground maze that served alcohol. You have the Unicorn.

The bar below was named the Narwhale. It was adorned with pinball machines and patrons which you could loosely describe as a freak show. Again my kind of place. We left heading for a nocturnal club of the dancing variety. They did not like the look of us and played the passport or no entry card. George the Geordie got into a lengthy debate for 15 minutes quoting maritime law, American history, the monarchy and his best Geordie shore impression. We did not get let in. It turns out Bouncers are never up for a real debate. Its never a fair fight you see.

North of the boat is an area called Ballard. I have been there the most. Its the kind of place where you might see a man commuting in a suit wearing chuck tailors riding a unicycle or penny farthing. Anything goes in Ballard and it does have an NZ/Australian bar called the Kangaroo and Kiwi. Notice the lack of anything South African. We are that different. The Kangaroo and Kiwi is great because of the lack of micro brewed beers. Washington state is big on weird beers that taste far too fruity. Sometimes you just need a normal beer.

A couple of K&K patrons with Ned Kelly.

On my third weekend in Seattle I was very lucky to have an extended tour and cultural show of some significance. The boss of one of our contracting companies whisked me away from the boat on a Saturday night for a Russian bbq/dinner party. Having learned a bit about Russians in my time abroad it was an opportunity to learn a bit more and also to soak up some suburban time.

My first mistake was believing that 14 Russian speaking ex-pats would speak anything other than Russian at a Russian themed gathering. That being said I did convince them to say cheers at the numerous opportunities to toast good health and other things in Russian. The Russian beside me took it upon himself to start elbowing me in the stomach when I was not drinking or eating. They all thought I was too skinny and could do with some feeding up. I was also far too sober and needed to drink more. That being said I did develop a taste for cognac. It is a fine drink for times like these where you need a certain amount of fuzziness to stay in tune with your unfamiliar surroundings.

I stayed at my friends house. The next morning he promised to take me for a drive before returning me to the boat. It is here I gained an appreciation for how vast America is. Going for a drive means a totally different thing. We drove,

 and we drove

paused. 

Saw my first American Eagle in the wild
And drove some more until we reached the base camp for Mount Rainer.

Inconvenient clouds obscuring snow covered Mount Rainer.

Being the height of summer a couple of steps away from the Lodge felt just like something from a Disney movie. It strongly resembled Bambi I commented on this and paused for a photo.

By thins time we were pretty hungry. We drove back down Mount Rainer looking for a place that had been selling Elk Burgers. It turns out Elk Burgers are pretty tasty. It was the opening weekend of the NFL and watching NFL at a bar eating Elk and drinking a micro brewed beer I did begin to think this is pretty good. Naturally my driver had been selling me on Seattle and Washington state. I was being schmoozed and I liked it.
American as it gets without being American and wearing an NZ hat.
So long was our drive back to Seattle we stopped at a garage to get some jerky and water. The garage was unremarkable but it did have a couple of goats tied up outside mowing the lawn. One of the goats had moved far away from its water bucket so I did a good deed and saved the goat a thirsty day. 
We took the long way home. My driver forced a lot of information into me over the course of 24 hours and it is still seeping from my brain mouth 2 weeks later. We did go to a heavenly like electronics store called Frys. I still have dreams about it.
My Rotation partner arrived last Saturday. He is much the same and I think our leisurely handovers will become a staple of us working together. We are such brilliant individuals that it seems ridiculous to try and cram our work and numerous achievements into one lonely day. We are already planning our next extended handover which should be in New York.
One of my colleagues Katy is leaving our fair work place next week. She is a food blogger which I think is pretty neat. She’s good value for a Southern African. Definitely the smartest I have worked with. We did try to visit the world famous EMP museum one night after work. Scott followed along knowing we would probably go near a bar of which there are many.
Sadly the EMP museum was closed. 
Exterior of EMP museum. Pretty cool.
We did get up the Space Needle which was closing. 
Seattle City.
By this point we were a bit brow beaten. We were going to go to a drive through Tacos place. It was taco tuesday and we were in a rather large car. I am glad we did not . We stopped next to a ‘Dicks’
Dicks sells hamburgers of the variety that taste amazing at 3am. We did not eat there. We went to a mighty fine Mexican restaurant called Peso’s kitchen. Thankfully for Scott the Mexican restaurant did sell beer. They also did a stirling rendition of a burrito.
Satiated and happy we paused to commend ourselves on finding such superb solace. My time is dwindling in Seattle but I have enjoyed it. I do think I could live here with not too much hassle. It’s made all the easier when you see movie theatres showing odysseys like Airplane.
New Zealand does beckon but there is still time to visit the EMP museum when it is open. I might get to see another unicorn or unicycle. It will probably rain at some point. Seattle is cool.
Afternote

Seattle is my first extended experience of America. Once you get over the fact that lots of people have guns and you are in the U.S of A its actually not a bad country. This is a tremendously self indulgent blog with at least four photos of myself. But America is an indulgent place. Don’t go changing.
On the other side of Canada lies one of the great frontiers Alaska. Russia sold it on the cheap to the U.S.A many years ago. With great cultural works like Ice road truckers, Gold rush and Deadliest Catch making Alaska home I am surprised Russia has not invaded yet.

Jokes aside, Alaska did meet my expectations. In summer it is a great wild wilderness. At times a lonely place with a vastness which stretches forever. Luckily when you are bobbing about in an office like mine loneliness never grips you.
Our first stop was the cruise ship town of Ketchikan. Ketchikan was pretty small. With three cruise ships berthed you could not see much of the town. Landfall in Ketchikan meant visiting the homeland security office to verify my fingerprints and eyeballs. America if you want visitors to feel a bit better about your fine country. Please remove the word Alien from your immigration slip. Being part Alien I do not like being lumped in with rest of the earths populace.
If you are not making way by sea, Seaplanes are the best transport going. We used them frequently for organized trips. They can come alongside like a tender does and were very handy. Why are there not more sea planes everywhere?

As is often the case with exotic destinations most of my viewing was a bit of hurried glancing as I made my way around my day to day tasks. Needless to say I did get to see some stunning vistas.

All taken from the same spot near the crew entrance on main deck.

Of course I am not a professional photographer. Luckily and unluckily we had one on for our second trip. He was an immense pain the ass. He did take nice photos however, I will give him that. I expect to be able to share some of them at a later date. He did not leave any with us but he lives in Seattle where we are heading next.

We were lucky to have a couple of excellent pilots and a real bushman of a guide. They were knowledgeable, professional and most importantly flexible as our plans often changed by the minute.

We did visit a glacier and when we were not dodging ice bergs we did get up nice and close to see ice being calved off.

My one and only real excursion ashore was on the day we left Alaska. I needed to visit a lawyer to have some documents notarized. I got collected by the taxi driver of Juneau, a lovely lady who I jokingly said I would see when I needed my ride back to port. She did collect me and she talked about how they had had a great year for berries with the warm summer. She obviously had some indigenous blood as she also talked about having done a cultural exchange with New Zealand. It was a nice human interaction in a place where you might go days without seeing one.

We are now steaming to Seattle. I have a few friends in Seattle. I have a few things I would like to do.

This should be good.

Charters over. Alaska done. Plenty of stories to tell. But whilst I have well deserved beverage…….


Enjoy this video,

For my next trick I will fly to Vancouver then travel north into Alaska by floating office. I will catalog this period with a few photographs and choice whitticisms. After Alaska we will travel south to Seattle, Washington. Seattle Washington is not to be confused with White house Washington. I may have thought they were semi attached at one point.

We will have an extended stay in Seattle. There are few things that I am quite excited about Seattle.

It is the birth place of Jimi Hendrix.
It is the birth place of Grunge.
It is the birth place of Fraiser Crane.

Only one of those highlights is fictional.

I look forward to sharing more. Stay tuned.