If you are wondering where I have been the last week, I have been on charter. The charter experience is not something that is very easy to explain but I will do my best. We had up to eight real guests and up to thirteen supplementary ladies of the evening on board.

A typical day for me was.

7:00 am Wake up. dress and shave.
7:05 am Wolf down breakfast.
7:10 am Start uncovering all of the outdoor furniture.
7:20 am Shammie. rinse, sweep, polish, clean windows and anything else that needed doing.
9:30 am Move the boat to an anchorage.
11:30 am  Rinse the stern of the boat launch the jet skis.
1:00 pm Wolf down lunch.
1:30 pm – 5:00 pm Make sure no one drowns, help people get on and off jet skis, hand people towels after they have a shower on the swim platform, try to shower and rest at some point.
5:30 pm Start packing everything up and move the boat to a port or anchorage.
7:00 pm till 1:00am Eat some dinner, cover up some of the furniture, wait for the guests to leave for clubbing
1:00am go to sleep.
4:00am Wake up to greet the guests returning.
5:00am Cover up everything and go back to bed.
7:00 am Wake and repeat.

After 8 days of this I am completely exhausted. Everybody was run off their feet especially our Stewardess’s. I tried to help where I could. I can now fold towels with some skill and can clean cutlery with vinegar and water.

Our guests were nice enough but the added entertainment of rotating prostitutes made for challenges. One of our jet skis broke down with one on it. I was sent to rescue her. Note to self. The hydrodynamics of jet skis is hindered when you tow them backwards. They can go upside down. Righting a jetski from an upside down position precariously perched on a moving ocean is challenging.

Our ladies of the evening were quite fond of dancing in dangerous places with scant regard to safety or clothing. Following a boat full of swaying dancing ladies with loud music playing to St Tropez in a tender was a watershed moment.

On a slightly more serious note. The yacht my wife has been working on had a deckhand seriously injured launching a jetski. He passed away a couple of weeks ago. Working on boats is dangerous. We are encouraged to.

Do things perfectly
Do things as fast as possible
Do things safely

Naturally doing all three of these things is nigh on impossible. One must always suffer. I have sustained a lot of small injuries over the last two weeks. My mind has been elsewhere. Needless to say, I will be finishing here on the weekend. I am going to be seeing Uncle Phil in Biarittz for a week of Surfing, Swedish lessons and reminiscing. It will be good to see a great friend and say Fy Fan a lot.     

After Biarittz it will be off to London and a reunion with my wife. A few weeks of mind & body recharging then Spain and the unknown.

Keep reading.