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Happy Birthday to Me

Its not actually my birthday today. But it is still a momentous occasion. Today the sun moves in to Aquarius and for the next month I and other water bearers will probably be slightly more cocky and self assured in an endearingly strange way.

Personally I think celebrating your birth month instead of just your birthday is a great idea. It allows you and your friends multiple occasions to sing happy birthday. If you are like me and have a partner with the same star sign you get to double these occasions.

I hope you all have a splendid month. Please do not panic you see a large hippopotamus trundling down the highway being chased by a herd of geese. It is probably a birthday present.

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Google Chrome

More than a little bit late I have adopted Google chrome as a browser. I have been a bit lucky recently having the luxury of a work desktop, home desktop, iPhone and my faithful EEE. This is all set to change in April however and I have been trying to think of clever ways to maximise my net time in France.

Installing Google chrome on my EEE allows me to run it parallel with Firefox and not interrupt my wifes Firefox session. For the most part Google chrome appearss to be a capable browser. It has a sleek appearance and seems to work ok on my tricked out EEE 800×600 display. Its snapshot features are a nice addition and it feels like a browser doing all of the right things. Until a few things are fixed I am not ready to make a complete change.

-Limited preferences
-No plugin support
-No dictionaries

I know this entry has not been particularly amusing or interesting to many of you but I am suffering a horrible predicament. My current abode has been invaded by a gaggle of females and I needed to write my way out of the lounge.




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My Best of 2008

Statistically speaking there is a good chance that you are in fact a new reader of this blog. Older more astute readers: it is also highly probable that in my haste to provide round the monitor entertainment and good humour that you have missed a post or two. Simply forgetful souls you might have forgotten why you are here. Let me remind you.

Finding Captain Nemo

Tremendously spooky writing given its content and the sequence of events that followed it. To think in 3 months I will be seeking passage on a yacht owned by wealthy people and some of these vessels have submarines.

A cathartic calamity

One of my finest brain vomits, this passage holds some trademark turns of phrase and delectably dances around a multitude of issues.

A jingle in the jungle

The choicest in my wild life series. This entry explores the jungle and its many inhabitants.

Time and Space

A quasi scientific look at time and distances in South East Asia.

Meth0d Writing

A bold uncensored look at Thailand at night. This really took courage and was a fun goodbye to South East Asia.

Gainfully Unemployed

A low point of the year was still a highlight for me. I can not complain. But I did.

Spring Break follow up

An experimental video blog. Drawing on all of my considerable post production resources in Timaru and shot on location. This might be a sign of things to come or a drunken lout in a Vietnamese hat. I will let you decide.

Thats it. My seven best posts of last year year. Comment away.

Thanks once again for reading. You are a beautiful audience.

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Whether? What Weather?

A universal crime against humanity is the laboriously crap service our weather forecasters, writers and presenters serve up every minute of every day. Whilst I am willing to concede predicting the weather requires some nous and more than a bit of luck in a place like Auckland, New Zealand, I abhor the abysmally pathetic information we receive each and every day.

A thorough information omnivore I gather my weather information from a number of sources. My (excuse me whilst I gadget name drop once again) iPhone has a wonderful little widget which gives me a six day up to the minute forecast. I also read online news papers, listen to the radio and on occasion watch the television. Unfortunately using this information leaves me in the lurch as soon as I step outside. It turns out the best up to the minute local forecast is best found by walking outside.

The iPhone app has really put things in perspective and I have noticed the following annoying trait with weather forecasting.

-It is all bullshit

Still, using all of this information and discerning it all is where things get really interesting. Being a keen bandier of words, it is blindingly obvious to me that the met service and in turn the media are excellent at saying a whole lot of nothing.

A typical weather report for this fine city is usually comprised of the following attributes.

Fine (bound to get people excited)
With cloudy periods (better not get too excited)
And possible showers (it could rain you know)

I could write weather reports with far more panache and honesty. Here is one I cobbled up earlier.

Tomorrow will see the sun rising. The temperature will rise and fall with the sun. Huge clouds of vapour will move through the air obscuring the sun and affect the temperature. Beware: if you see a dark grey cloud it might rain.

Wonderful. The beauty of my weather report is that it can be used year round. I will not try and dress it up differently each day. You now have weather knowledge for a life time.

People of the world. Do not be alarmed! I will write reports for your locales as I visit. In the mean time I recommend y0u stay away from conventional weather reporting at all costs.

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MORE PAIN SOME GAIN

Being a fan of all things healthy I have to say my current exercise regime is a very painful one. During the last week of December my trainer and I worked on a new program together. The goal was to start this year with a new set of activities for me to follow over the next month.

Invariably doing new exercises means you are straining muscles in new exotic ways. These new pressures mean the typical gym goer will feel all sorts of pain in the days directly following a bout of exercise. Unfortunately for me an exceedingly libatious New Years meant I was carrying injuries into this first week of redemption.

Let me describe my week so far and the accompanying pains
Monday: 50 minute brisk walk. (So far so good)
Tuesday: 50 minutes of weight training chest and triceps. (Ooo that might hurt tomorrow)
Wednesday: 50 minutes of weight training. Legs and shoulders. (Now I am having problems walking and getting up from a chair)

I am also unable to gesticulate in a comfortable manner befitting of a part time wizard. Last night after five or so earth shatteringly painful dismounts from our television viewing apparatus (couch) it suddenly dawned upon me. I am suffering for everyone that doesn’t exercise. What a noble service I do for you all. The next time you are doing nothing think of me who can’t even do anything without being in pain.

I have added a twitter plugin to the side because I can. Now you can read all sorts of day to day stuff about me and learn that I am human just like you. WITH SUPER POWERS!

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A couple of things

I had the weirdest experience on Monday morning. I left my iPhone and in turn music at home. I also left my significant other travelling companion at home. I also left my wife at home. The bus was deathly quiet. It was quiet to the point of a vacuum and twice as scary. It was as if the life given by two weeks of holiday had been wrenched from our dying carcasses and our zombies were left to work in the city.

This galvanised my rigidly travel addicted frame and I promptly made arrangements for appropriate super yacht accreditation. Today I informed my wonderful work of my intention to sail the silver seas. They took this information gracefully knowing my radiance has only danced through them like a comet or similar celestial body only with a good sun tan.

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Where to buy Beer Lao in New Zealand

I have had a few requests as to the whereabouts of beer Lao. You can purchase beer Lao in Auckland at the Kingsland Liquor Centre 348 New North Road.

A 600ml bottle is only $4 which is a bargain. You do the math.

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The Escape

When you last left me I was making myself at home inside another dimension. Since then I have experienced the highs and highs of alien abduction. Parts of it were fraught with danger and I still do not fully comprehend sections of it but hopefully this passage will help me out.

Physically I have numerous wounds covering my body.

I sprained my wrist
Bruised my buttock
Hamstrung my back
Got stung under my arm by a flying beast

I now have a day of work ahead of me. I will update this entry later. Stay tuned……..

After a full day of work I have a fuller memory cortex to draw from.

At one point I was crash tackled off a man made structure by a curiously loud and strong female alien. This in turn damaged my back, leg and rear. I am hoping for a full recovery but I do not think ACC will take kindly to my claim description.

After a bout of getting to know the floor of the alien planet I was lying on. I stood up and put on the top half of my space suit. My left arm disappeared into the jacket and was promptly stung by a loud buzzing creature. If I had been on earth it may have been a wasp.

I was then joined by a very curiously dressed assortment of captives. We were promptly lead on a merry tail chasing expedition which was akin to a mad hatters jamboree. It even had mad hats. To this day I do not know what we were searching for. It was a herculean effort to find our point of origin. Never go walk about in a vacuum.

The sun soon rose. We were stranded in a large park like area. There were various activities and brain teasers. Most of the conversation lurched from feat of daring to another. The feats were so incredibly daring that there were few starters fool(hardy) enough to do them. It became apparent that not doing something life endangering would be sufficiently astounding.

I was stranded in an escape pod for a good chunk of the day. The pilot of the escape pod if he could be loosely labelled thus kept adjusting his dials and preparing for lift off. The lift off sadly never arrived. I think the pilot was stuck in a hole. Maybe he was a figment of my imagination. Maybe I was a figment of his.

The other travellers eventually entered sleeping capsules and retired. I did this and am happy to say that I felt almost normal after I arose.

If this makes any sense at all to, you were probably with me at New Years. If it does not make sense you were probably were not. If you were with me and it does not make sense than do not worry you have just read a pile of nonsense and should make a full recovery as soon as you leave this page.

A part of me that hurts

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Abducted by Aliens

Congratulations on following through on what has to be my most body grabbing headline yet. Alien inspired and with good reason I was borrowed by an alien ship and crew two nights ago. I have to admit it was all natural enough. My episode was spurred on by a bout of furious gardening. Weed whackers appear to attract alien space ships. I think that the high spinning revolutions coupled with the whisking noise acts as a spaceship and alien aphrodisiac.

After a couple of hours of battling assorted weeds and foliage I was greeted by some oddly attired gentlemen who appeared to hover above the ground. “Can we have a moment of your time?” they asked politely and although usually I would give trespassers a short shift I was looking for a diversion and gladly took up the chance to ditch the weed whacker. With a loud hum and appropriate orientation manipulation I was transported to my current home.

I have had complete sensory deprivation since the involuntary allocation of my mass to this dimension. This has given me plenty of time to think and to date my proudest achievement is the successful transmogrification of absolute nothing into a compatible wireless space for my iPhone to attach to the internet so I could write this blog.

Since finding the internet I have also found the time to find the perfect refreshment for an extended period of otherworldliness. I also rustled up a glass and some granite to place Beer Lao upon. I will wait and drink things out.

I hope to update you soon with my health and apropriate personal information. I have nought much else to say except I wish you a happy New Year and remember if you keep reading this blog you will be fine.

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The Great EFTPOS at pump conspiracy

With the weight of humanity sitting squarely upon my shoulders sometimes I have need to side step human contact. Enacting an electronic transaction at the time of refuelling my rocket ship helps me to save time between missions and maintain valuable button pressing abilities.

However I have noticed that these services are rarely working. Exploratory questioning has proved pointless. Then it dawned upon me. Petrol salesmen want you to come inside the shop, pick up a newspaper, a coffee, 6 bottles of V, a bouquet of flowers, some confectionery and pay for petrol. Scandalous. I am at a loss on how I will resolve this unfavourable predicament. I think I shall write a letter!

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