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24 Hours in Cambodia

The last twenty four hours have been a rich pasture for someone like me. Our trip back to Phnom Phenh was marred with our bus hitting a small calf. Stock are usually tethered by a chain when beside the road but this calf made the mistake of a road crossing as we approached. The bus looked in need of some serious cosmetic surgery. The calf seemed ok and was tied up and placed in a luggage compartment. I did my best to shield my own bovine companion from seeing such a distressing sight.

As we entered Phnom Phenh we encountered a 30 minute traffic snarl up of some magnitude. The usual give way to everything road laws that are in place are sadly ignored when it comes to buses. After watching one particularly smug looking black SUV block our path I made a good natured one fingered salute. Did you know Cambodian custom dictates that one fingered salutes are reciprocated with the flourishing of hand guns?

Last night we drank heartily at our guest house and went off to find some sustenance. We had the misfortune of meeting an incredibly drunk and obnoxious pairing who hailed from Christchurch, New Zealand. Not only did they enjoy Hanoi, but one of the duo, when tackled with conversational genetics was proud to promote inbreeding as the only way to raise good pigs and therefore the only solution for the improvement of the human race. Sadly my limits for discussing sullying the gene pool with someone of questionable chromosomes were sorely tested. We effected an exit not before my wife had them convinced I am someone quite famous and not to be trifled with. Read this and weep fools!

This morning began with a curious sensation permeating my cranium. Having faced this predicament numerous times on this journey I arranged a variety of bloodstream additives to have with my breakfast. Satiated and feeling fit we embarked to take in some of the tourist offerings Phnom Phenh has to offer.

The killing fields are chilling. The removal of all of the original human slaughter buildings and equipment makes it all the more eerie. A sole monument filled with skulls stands as a reminder to the loss of lives under the rule of Pol Pot.

The National Museum was far more accomadating. Cambodia has a breathtaking past and it’s artisans have created some incredible statues and fine art work which fill the museum.

I was not supposed to take these photos but I did wear my sarong over my shoulders as a sign of respect so I am not completely dishonourable.

One more day of inspiration and we will catch our bus to Siem Reap.

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After the commercial break

Having been an avid abstainer of broadcast television for a lengthy amount of time, TV in South East Asia has been something of a revelation to me.

A prodigious grid of satellite dishes and an unfettered supply of television sets provides round the clock amusement. Even more surprising is the sheer un abandoned angst that can be inflicted with the push of a button.

My traveling partner seems to have an innate ability to channel wipe out. Channel wipe out is the disastrous outcome of channel surfing, stopping at a random channel then becoming distracted.

Other unwitting surfers will peer up from a book or navel to see the native tribesmen of swahili council chiefs weekly meeting channel. Music television seems to have had an unhappy marriage with failed soap operas, and its aborted offspring dominates several channels. I have seen many things that defy description, either that or my mind has willingly erased them for fear of my sanity.

Thankfully when surfing is mastered it is rewarding. The ninja fighting movie channel is worth a watch. So is the teenage girls screaming channel; if only because it prepares me for my unwitting displays of public stupidity. There are plenty of news channels, and where else could you watch a cooking show with no talking, just a romantic ballad soundtrack with a lady diner lying down to sleep at the end ( I hope). Japanese wrestling is far superior to its Western cousin and where we are staying it occupies channel one, simple for those panic button incidences.

Pleases do not think ill of me for exploring television. I am a fastidious researcher and will go to great lengths to bring you a compelling show read.

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What to do?

Hello and welcome to today’s daily edition of my blog. The sun and subsequent taste of the Taiwan tropical typhoon has left me a bit spent. However I am happy to chart a written course for the tail end of our adventures in this part of the world.

We are heading back to Phnom Phen today for a couple of days we will then catch a bus to Siem Reap and will spend three days at Angor Wat. We have it on good authority that watching a sunset and sunrise at Angor Wat is one of the best things you can do in this part of the universe. Being well versed in sunrise watching (sometimes unintentional) I shall do my best to catch and distill the experience.

From Siem Reap we will head towards Bangkok and perhaps stay along the coast to enjoy the beach a bit more. West of Bangkok are the Tiger temples where Monks and Tigers live in harmony. This photo of one of my diving buddies sold me on it instantly.

From Bangkok we will head north again to Chiang Mai to complete our hill tribe trek. Roll up the Buddhist mountain to be blessed for good luck. We will have a second attempt at the all you can drink Heineken bar. Then it will be back to Bangkok and a flight home.

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Back to the Beach

It is astounding what regular sunshine, sand, smiles and sunscreen can do for ones disposition, let alone a whole coastline. Sihanouk Ville is a beguiling spot catering superbly for even the most whimsical of wanderers.

Pedestrians out number vehicles by a good amount and once you get off the beaten track the local ethnic tuk tuk start losing parts and passengers at an uneconomical rate. The beach front is dotted with all manner of bars and restaurants. You can actually sleep at your bar of choice inside the handily appointed dorm rooms for free.

The beach’s are charming with a novelty for this part of the world. Waves, they are not huge but it is nice to hear and see waves crashing with a bit more gravity than in Thailand and Vietnam. Still the beach is not without its moments. A colourful profusion of trinket, sunglasses, and mobile beauty salespeople patrol the silky sand. My own smoothly shaven calves were even up for imagined enhancement. Still I have my trump card for demanding situations and it seems to work even here.

Yesterday we attempted a circumnavigation of the immediate coastline with a middling degree of success. I suspect about 5 degrees were surveyed give or take a protractor. There is plenty of change occurring and I hope it can be managed in a responsible manner. Various countries have bought blocks of land for redevelopment and I suspect some of it is on the backs of NGO’s

Still it is the enterprising locals which are to be admired. During a two hour stop at Victory beach I took the necessary steps to purchase some refreshments. I was *served* by a group of three young girls. As is usual for my trip I was giggled at and one hid in a handily accessible cupboard after I realised they could not understand a bar of my spoken game of charades. Mother was summoned and more laughs were shared.

I expect this will be our last big beach session before we return to New Zealand so it is time to savor and maybe just let it all sink in. Wish me luck.

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It is Fate Mate

I am not completely sure what cosmic bodies were in motion last Thursday but I am glad to be in this part of the world. After a very relatively hectic couple of days thinking, walking and talking like business people its nice to be in the calming surrounds of Sihanoukville and Serendipity beach.

I must explain my lovely wife has been doing most of the talking like a business person. As a writer it is important to observe and perform an objective role. Like science even the mere observation of said interactions can change the outcome of the experiment. Our tentative forays into the fields of free trade and third world commerce should be spared from as much of my comedy as possible.

That is not to say I have not found aspects of Cambodia thoroughly hilarious. Much like Laos there are all manner of organic herb supplement pushers and incredibly descriptive menus with outlandish effects.

Watching a rather large Elephant take on rush hour traffic in Phnom Penh yesterday morning was a sight to behold. I do not think Elephants are particularly responsive to car horns.

Organised crime and corruption are very apparent here. A simple yardstick for how corrupt a police officer is by how fat they are. The fatter they are the more likely they are to be receiving bribes. Of course if you need the police to help you with crime you need to pay them to help you as well.

Still it is all part of the experience. I look forward to sharing with you what we are up to. Strictly business of course.

Serendipity

beach

sunset


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Grin and Beer it

You can tell a lot about a country by its beer. At least I find myself telling myself this after a few bottles. Unfortunately Cambodia’s beer whilst majestically named fails to conjure images of temples.

I suspect if you drank enough of it you could make a convincing aluminium place of worship with the empty cans. My stomach sadly was not up to it. The good news is that Beer Lao has reentered my life and for that I am glad.

Our current home is the convivially named OK hotel. After a brief dalliance on the internet I managed to forget which room we are staying in. After knocking on a few doors and losing my nerve I headed downstairs to reacquaint myself with Beer Lao

I found Beer Lao and a couple of friendly Canadians. They are now enrolled in my Canadian & New Zealand accent campaign. Sympathetic to my lonely plight they helped me to embark on a Beer Lao tasting session of some merit until my wife could send out a self powered search party.

She arrived and I was saved. More beer Lao was drank. Cards were played. We made an acquaintance from Australia who works on super yachts. After a vigorous interrogation we are now equipped with the knowledge to seek a working berth on one. With a bit of luck we will find Captain Nemo next year.

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So Long Saigon Goodbye Vietnam

It seemed mildly criminal to say good bye to Saigon without first saying hello. Our bus ride in revealed a city not as intense as Hanoi. Perhaps the Saigon locals have learned to keep tourists away from core economic functions and narrow streets. So after finding a hotel to lodge in we decided to make a two night stop instead of just one.

This morning we visited the war memorial museum. The museum here is graphic to the brink of horrific. A macabre thought of mine would be for such collections to be sent to countries with a predisposition for fighting. A warmonger’s antidote if you like.

The Zoo in Saigon is a worthwhile visit. It has a diverse collection of foliage and fauna. The elephants each have a small dance that they do to attract attention and food. Perhaps the street hawkers that I have grown to love could learn a thing from the elephants.

A cruel reminder of life was spotting this hamster quivering in a snake enclosure.

Wandering the streets has served to remind me of some uniquely Vietnam things that will stay with me forever. For keen badminton players, games are set up where ever there is a flat surface. The beach and beachfront of Nha Trang always had a few games going. Saigon seems to be the same.

Until I find a place with more scooters I will never look at a scooter again without thinking of Vietnam.

Tonight we watched a water puppet show. The musicians and puppeteers were masterful. The performance lasted for 50 minutes and it was full of laughs and gasps.

If I was to attempt to sum up Saigon and Vietnam it would be like this. Leave your prozac at home, it wont work. You will feel a full range of emotions every step of your journey.

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Get the Facts

As google ads remain the cornerstone of the incredible month on month revenue growth of this blog I have been doing some tinkering with the delivery of said ads.

I am a bit bemused at how google has managed to link my blog with getting *facts* about Scientology. However it does allow us to bleed the coffers dry of the Scientology church.


Surely a sign of my impending fame!

We are off to Saigon early this morning and will be starting our holiday in Cambodia the day after. I have no idea how easy it will be to find internet access but will do my best.

I have a variety of interesting things for you to do if the updates are infrequent. Apart from learning about Scientology you can register as a follower. Look at my new RSS feedburner feed. Listen to UPFM and I even have a poll you can vote on.

Goodbye Vietnam

And now for a message from Tom Cruise.

CLICK THE GOOGLE ADS CLICK THE GOOGLE ADS

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Nha Trang Nuts in a Shell

Nha Trang has it share of more traditional cultural delights. Pagoda, craft and sunglass salesmen all dot its surrounds. Some of the more modern additions are just as worthy of notoriety and I would like to think they will be still around in a thousand or so years.

A day trip by boat is a must. Snorkeling, eating, lounging and beaching are all well catered for. The truly astounding feat was the crew which metamorphosed into a band. It started harmlessly enough with a drum kit of dubious quality appearing.

Then soon enough the number one boy band of Vietnam who moonlight as tour operators were energetically taking us on a round the boat and world tour.

Stirling stuff and a good reminder that talent should never stand in the way of having a good laugh.

VINPEARL LAND is hard to ignore from Nha Trang. It is written into the side of the island with large white letters.


The cable car that conveys punters stretches 3.3 kilometres over the ocean and at its highest point is 6o metres. It is quite a feat of modern engineering.

by day

by dusk

by night

Vinpearl land is well kitted out with an amusement park, shopping mall, amphitheater, event hall, water park and five star hotel.

We spent most of our time in the water park. The water park is especially well designed with a channel that you can float around the entire water park without taking a step.

The slides are scared wife friendly and we had a lot of fun.

After a frantic hours of sliding I can think of nothing better than posing with a c0uple of my best friends.

On our return home we were befriended by an ex pat Vietnamese man and his wife. He took us out for a few drinks and we were lucky enough to have our restaurant invaded by Dragons!

Not a bad couple of days and to think it all started with a bath full of mud.


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For your Consideration

As noted earlier traveling has been hard on my wardrobe. The continued involuntary dispossession of my choice items has left me mildly consternated. In the past week I have made the most of Vietnam’s shopping and street vendors to put together a new fashion collection of some merit.

It was earlier this morning that the planets aligned to give me the reasoning for my spending spree.

New Zealand fashion week starts this Monday!

If you want to attract attention on the street, witness this striking ensemble. It was purchased off the street but strangely it leaves street vendors gagging for more.

-Straw hat
-Vietnam shirt
-Sarong

Completely impractical in 30 degree heat, this tailor made coat will heat things up in any room, literally. Add a pair of Boss sunglasses. Stuff Hugo I wanted straight Boss.

Witness the dragon. Hand embroidered silk robe which has a couple of tricks.

The true beauty of my 2009 fashion collection is its versatility. Watch as my model remixes the collection on the fly.

What a clever chap. Thanks to my photographer, model and my wonderful fans.

If you are after real fashion go visit Ana Steele and Michael Pattison they know what they are doing. I just write about what I am doing.

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