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Leaving Thailand was not without its own challenges. But first me let loose with a couple of insights gained during the long bus ride north.

The liberal use of straws could be a south east Asian epidemic or be just local to Thailand. Invariably you will gain a straw with any liquid purchase. In fact 7-11 operators are so used to dishing out straws I wager you could purchase a box of straws and get a free straw.

On the bus journey I watched a crazy DVD concert. Clash Army was the name of the group. The theater was formidable; think a well groomed Linkin park with even more makeup add 100% unintelligible lyrics and you are halfway there. One point during some of the more theatrical of the proceedings included a very showy love song where the lead singer shot his girl friend on stage. They were reunited in heaven but like all good murder stories she was unmasked as a corpse. Ozzy was never so bold.

It was at the Thai immigration check point we were declared Aliens. With some skill we had managed to overstay our visa in Thailand by two days. We were liberated from some of our currency and duly flagged as aliens. I was quite chuffed! I have been trying for years to assert my otherworldliness and now I have a receipt to prove it.

Laos has been a different world. At our first stop down the river I was met at the top of a very slippery slope by a gentleman who was hailed himself as Marco Polo. He was a very helpful chap but seemed quite pressing on his ability to fit me out with all manner of herbal remedies. I gracefully declined and he grew cold on me. Money on the other hand was a true gentleman. True to his name he let loose with a wise proverb “no money no honey”

Todays river ride was incredibly taxing but we are now settled for at least four days and will do some exploring of Luang Prabang.

Writing this after three days of non stop travel has been a herculean effort I might add but I hope your mondays are all the more better for reading it.

You may have noticed a bright red button on the left hand side of the page now. A quick scrutiny of my statistics shows the average time you the esteemed reader spend reading this incredible stuff is about 5 minutes per visit. A simple click of that red button during your visit will bring about numerous health benefits.

-Quality music dished up digitally through the wonders of the internet.
-Instant office credibility even when you are in the depths of Zurich.
-Get your New Zealand accent fix anytime of the day.
-Repeated clicking of your mouse is good for your disposition.
-Your household and office plants will grow bigger.
-Your hair and nails will shine like never before.

disclaimer: some of the rewards for listening to UPFM might not actually be true but we will blame that on the internet.

Tomorrow we set off across the border into Laos and the unknown. Thailand has been very good to us and it has been a memorable four weeks. I have been compiling a list of recommendations for the impending hordes that will want to follow in my footsteps and it is looking very healthy.

When we return to Thailand we have to,

-Come back to Chiang Mai
-Complete hill tribe trek with Elephant ride
-Not drink so much

Laos promises to be exciting. Let me borrow an excellent synopsis from the tremendous resource that is travelfish.

Landlocked Laos is one of the Asia’s most enchanting destinations. Stunning natural beauty — think mist-shrouded mountain peaks flanked by jungle-clad valleys teeming with wildlife — combine with a fascinating Buddhist culture to make Laos a superb destination for backpackers and independent travellers, while luxury tourists are now also well-catered for.

Our first three days are catered for traveling by slow boat down the Mekong. This promises to be an experience and if we don’t run aground, sink, run into drug runners or drunk Englishmen we should be OK.

Cooking class was a lot of fun! Who would have thought? We had a very good teacher with an incredibly infectious cackle. Nobody died and I was smiling the whole time apart from this photo.

Factoid for the day. We have jettisoned 10 kilograms of non essential items back to New Zealand since we started traveling.

Today I take on the single most terrifying day of our trip so far.

THAI COOKING CLASS DAY

But Dan, you have already driven scooters, fought off sea creatures and created new sports why are you scared? To understand my terror you must first learn more about me. At school cooking was a tedious affair, made light by my classmates and I adapting our carefully crafted chemistry skills and concocting salves that would seal wounds, remove hair and treat cold symptoms. Sadly they were far from edible.

As I have grown my cooking skills have mutated. Now I am a bit wiser my standard dish is taking meat, frozen veges, heating them and then adding two incompatible spices like chilli and wasabi. Whilst these dishes certainly tickle the taste buds they are still far from edible. My wife eats them with some grace. I think I have destroyed her palate.

So today we will journey to a farm, pick fresh ingredients and learn four dishes. Wish me(them) luck I may kill someone.

Quick Proclaimer.

I do not pretend to have anything more than a passing interest in writing about the Olympics. However being that I am closer to the Olympics than 99% of my readership, I feel honour and duty bound to write about them as best I can. Begrudgingly I must admit that 99% of my live Olympic coverage resource is in a foreign language and as such my reporting might be suitably disorientated.

Anyway the Olympics started on Friday. We managed to miss the opening ceremony by sticking to the major networks. BBC, CNN and Aljazeera. How does this work? Well for all of their self promotion on how feature complete their Olympic coverage is, they did not have the rights to screen the opening ceremony. So we saw some sweaty reporters and glimpses of fireworks from the street. Think downtown New Years eve.

Never mind we slept on it. The next morning we discovered a South African sports channel and the dulcet delights of Keith Quinn commentating on archery or something else that he should have no business commentating about. The truly shocking thing is that he sounds quite good talking about archery. Let us hope South Africa can adopt him as a specialist sports reporter. In fact it appears that the South African sports channel has peppered its line up with a full cast of New Zealand and English commentators. Read into that what you will. Draw your own conclusions.

So we have a good TV channel to watch the Olympics with. The only problem is that it is delayed and often repeated coverage. If we want to watch something live we watch the local coverage. Watching Olympics in another language is strange. Given the strengths that Thailand has you could be forgiven thinking that womens weightlifting and badminton are the only two sports at the Olympics(slight truth stretching)

So I find myself flicking back to the major channels to find some of the fabled comprehensive 100% complete coverage. What I find is human “interest” pieces about Bejing transport, food and accommodation. Did you know that dog has recently been removed from the menus of Bejing’s largest food market? Talk about bad timing!

From the Olympics I have watched it has become clearly obvious that we need more fringe sports if we are to compete with China in the future. I think I might have invented one this afternoon in Chiang Mai’s largest shopping centre. As is often the case when I have been dragged screaming from shop to shop buying nothing, grimacing as one only hopelessly in love can, I need to sit down.

I have recently become attached to the massaging chairs that are popping up all over the place. The chairs here are different as I was soon to find out. As soon as I sat down on the chair a loud peeling scream rang out from behind me. A flock of teenage girls cantered past squealing with laughter at me. Huh I thought with the wisdom of someone in a foreign shopping centre, can’t get many chair users around here. The ringing subsided with the starting of my chair and I soon drifted into as much as a stupor as I could reach without copious amounts of mind altering substances. When I awoke some teenage girls were sitting on the bench beside me. The chair had wound down and the screaming and laughter rang out again. Hah I thought nobody could mistake one of these chairs as a lounger, but I was midly sheepish as I thought of the spectacle I had made of myself.

Therefore, to sooth my bruised ego it is necessary to canvas the IOC for the inclusion of a new olympic sport. Unwittingly public displays of stupidity in unfamiliar surroundings. I could be onto a winner!

This entry is a ready reminder that I do answer requests. Ask and yea shall read.

This is an easy task if you use the right tools. Please note all of this information is for PC users only. I sold my mac before I started traveling but will welcome the donation of any Apple hardware. Ps Hi Steve Jobs.

Ok; so the premise is you have a DVD and wish to put some or all of it online for people to look at. You will need the following software.

DVD Decrypter

VLC

Super

Install DVD Decrypter. Pop your DVD in your DVD drive. Run DVD decrypter and click the green arrow button down the bottom.

DVD decrypter will copy the contents of your DVD to a directory on your c:

Once complete DVD decrypter will make a horrible tinkle noise. Do not be alarmed.

Now install and run VLC. VLC will let us look at those VOB files and find out which ones we want to convert into an online video. You can just drag and drop the VOB files onto VLC to play them. Some of them will be DVD menus, extras ect. Generally the largest single file will be the main movie of a dvd. Make a note of the file name you want to convert.

Next open up super.

Do the following.

Drag your vob file onto super.
Choose mov or avi in the output container box.
Click encode active files
Wait………….

After super is finished you should have a new file which you can upload online.

I had a very spotty internet connection and used Google video. Google video allows files over 100 megabytes in size if you use the google video uploader. It also allows resumed uploads and uploading multiple files at once.

Easy 🙂

Nothing like a bit of lightning, striking twice to slow one down. Largely self inflicted pain has relegated me to tenderly regurgitating parts of life in Chiang Mai much like the past 48 hours.

I have learned more about my latest love, the Chiang Mai moat. It is the principal venue of an epic three day water fight each year. Songkran celebrates the Zodiac new year and what a better way to celebrate something than an epic water fight.

First of moat scooter run during festival

Speaking of festivals, today is Thailand mothers day. Thailand has a very healthy amount of holidays and religious festivals. It is worth learning about them before you visit as they can be used to transmogrify travel arrangements by less than scrupulous travel agents.

Last week we spent 2-3 hours visiting the craft precinct of Chiang Mai. We learned about silk, Kashmir, silver, jewelery, resin pottery and umbrella making. It is incredible the time and skill that is put into the smallest of items. Nearly impossible to just browse but a pro tip for the budget conscious traveler say you have sold your house and have no home to return to.

More about the Chiang Mai moat. If you need something worth betting about in Chiang Mai, a jump in the moat de rigeur. Just make sure you are not betting on the All Blacks in a world cup quarter final; apparently.

This Friday we will cross the border into Laos and will be doing a cruise down the river into a very different part of the world. Exciting times.

Thanks to all of the supportive words and comments about my fashion sense.

Four Videos today 🙂
Part 1

Part 2

Part3

Part 4

This one goes out to all of the trainspotters, it is time to waffle out some statistics.

We have been on the road for a total of 24 days

  • 11846.45 kilometers traveled
  • 1 Flight
  • 3 Over night train trips.
  • 1 Day train ride
  • 4 Ferry rides
  • 3 Tuk Tuk jaunts
  • 1 traditional taxi (hot pink)
  • 4 Less than traditional taxi rides(Ute with cover)
  • 4 VIP van trips(air conditioned vans)
  • 3 Scooter hires total of 5 days
  • 1 Quad bike hire(wish I had never had)
  • 6 Open water dives
  • 3 Cities
  • 3 Islands
  • 9 Books read.
  • 15 movies, tv episodes and documentaries watched (thanks Richard)
  • 1 New Zealander met. Kiwis really are shy!

We are consuming about 2.5 litres of water a day. I have beer a lot of drunk. I had decided to stop drinking the large bottles before we came up north and then found out that you can buy a large beer here for the price of a small one on the islands. To run salt in my numerous wounds. A bar here has all you can drink Heineken for about $4 on Saturday nights.

I can say hello and thank you in Thai with some authority. I think this is all you need as long as you remember to smile, bow and have a co-pilot to barter.

Today we are off to sit by a lake and celebrate our Kiwi friends birthday. This evening I will resist the Heineken bars impressive tractor beam. If it sucks me in I will let it in the name of science and Philip Bendall who has remonstrated me on the merits of more being always better.

I am now convinced that any city could be improved with the careful implementation of a well designed moat. Chiang Mai has a beautiful one adapted for modern life. There is something incredibly satisfying when lodging within the surrounds of a moat. It appeals to my nature knowing that any invader who can not deal with Thailand’s delightful traffic patterns will have to cross the depths of a moat such as this.

Perhaps one of the more tangible grasping points when traveling is handling different currency. Hence it is with some conviction that I can safely say that we as subjects of the Queen have been short changed. With all due respect to her Majesty she needs some image enhancement on the back of our coins immediately. Perhaps some bunny ears, some designer sunglasses or at least a flowery hat. Thailand’s King adorns the coins here and there is something incredibly satisfying holding a perfect profile like this, he is positively pimping.

I continue to smile at every corner. Imagine coming across a welcoming sign like this after falling in love with a moat.

Yes I could weather a siege in here. Did I mention the 14 hour happy hour signs as well?